It was always going to be difficult for Nauru to control the narrative of this year’s Pacific Islands Forum.

To play host to a discussion about important issues for the whole region, while the hundreds of refugees stuck in limbo on the tiny island cast their shadow.

And the stage had already been set with Jacinda Ardern, who caused a stir by signalling she wanted to meet with refugees while she was there.

“We don’t deserve this” were the words of Nauruan President Baron Waqa when he felt the media coverage was too refugee heavy and in many ways he’s right. The regional security issues outlined in the Boe Declaration, particularly climate change, don’t deserve to be ignored.

But neither do refugees, languishing in Nauru – at the behest of the Australian government.

Every refugee on that island has a heartbreaking tale to tell.

I spoke to one Iraqi man who’d been there for five years. He told me his wife had complications in her pregnancy and had to go to Australia to deliver the baby, where she has stayed. His baby boy is now 18 months old, and he’s never had the chance to hold him. He says the Australian government stole those precious moments from him.

A 17-year-old Iranian told me he came to Nauru when he was just 12. His parents have never told him why they fled Iran – but it’s a perilous journey one doesn’t take lightly. He asked, what is his guilt? What did he do to deserve this? He is one of the many young refugees in Nauru who have been swallowed up by years of hopelessness, and is losing his will to keep living.

It’s a seemingly contagious problem, with increased reports of children self-harming or suffering from resignation syndrome, where they can fall into an almost catatonic state.

The Nauruan government has dismissed these reports as fake news, being peddled by refugee activists.

But a source tells me the state of some of these children – isn’t something that can be faked. That the situation in Nauru is very unique, and the length of time in a monotonous routine, is mentally and physically taking its toll.

And there’s nothing that can really be done to help them if they’re to stay in Nauru.

Not surprisingly, Ardern dialled down the rhetoric, and didn’t meet any refugees.

She said she didn’t want to raise expectations.

But they were already raised.

One refugee asked me to send a message, asking her to help – saying they see New Zealand as their last hope, because Nauru, Australia, and the US, don’t want them.

But while New Zealand may want them, it isn’t our choice whether we have them.

And while right there on Nauru, with refugees in the background, the forum leaders retreat ran late, and Ardern didn’t get a chance for a bilateral with Australia’s new Foreign Minister.

Although I’m sure the poignant setting wouldn’t have stopped any message from Ardern, once again falling on deaf ears.