What about all the weasel words we’ve been hearing from the Government about Andrew Coster? Who’s stepping down from the job of Police Commissioner to head the Government’s new Social Investment Agency.  

He’s leaving the police force a bit earlier than expected. He was due to stand down in April and, if I was a suspicious person, I’d see this as a win-win for him and the Government. Because, despite all the platitudes coming from the Beehive, the Government is going to be delighted that he’s moving on. But, unlike the Government, I'm not going to be so kind. 

Coster himself is describing the move as going from the bottom of the cliff in the police force to the top of the cliff running this new government agency, which is all about investing in people and supporting people to try and help them avoid getting into a life of crime in the first place. 

And I think “Cuddles Coster” —as some people like to refer to him as— is the perfect person to run this new agency. He’s been a lawyer, he was 2IC at the Ministry of Justice for a couple of years, he’s been a cop and, since 2020, he’s been commissioner. 

So he knows how the justice system works. He’s seen and understands some of the things that lead people into crime, he’s worked for a government minister, and he’s felt the heat when things haven’t gone right. 

So, hands down, he’s the best person for the new job.    

But, listening to Police Minister Mark Mitchell and Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, you would think they reckon he’s the best person to be Police Commissioner, as well. 

Let’s start with the Prime Minister. Here’s what he said yesterday about Andrew Coster: “He has done a really good job. Since we came to power, we made a really clear set of expectations, and laid that out really clearly. He has done an exceptionally good job.” 

The PM got a bit brassed-off when reporters reminded him that his predecessor Simon Bridges had described Andrew Coster once as a “wokester”, but Luxon wasn’t having a bar of that. 

And then there’s Mark Mitchell, who’s saying that the only reason he gave Coster a hard time was because the commissioner was working for a wishy-washy government back when Labour was in charge. 

But we all know that the reason they’re being so uncharacteristically kind about Andrew Coster is that, even though he’s leaving the Police, he’s still going to be working for them. And you can’t bag one of your honchos in public, because, if you did, you might get slapped with some HR legal action. And why would you make anything other than glowing comments about someone who’s still going to be working for you. 

In this new role Coster will still report to a government minister. Instead of Mark Mitchell it’ll be Nicola Willis, who is the Minister for Social Investment. But let me say what the Government isn’t saying. When it comes to Andrew Coster’s performance as Police Commissioner, I can’t let him away with the shambolic way he handled the anti-vax, anti-everything protest at Parliament back in February/March 2022. 

That was when we all started to learn about “policing by consent”, which Andrew Coster was big on. Which, in a nutshell, is about the police working in a way that encourages people to co-operate with them - instead of waving the big stick at them. 

Andrew Coster’s leadership of the police response to the Parliamentary protest two years ago was a shambles. There were all the shallow threats about seizing all the vehicles that were clogging up the streets. 

“If you don’t move those vehicles, we’re going to move them. We mean it. We mean it. Aww…maybe we don’t mean it.”  

What it meant is that by the time the Police did finally flush out the muppets who reckoned they were there for a genuine protest, the battle was lost. 

His policing by consent was in tatters and it was the beginning of the end for Andrew Coster.