Has anyone checked whether Trevor Mallard has been wearing any blue or red bandanas recently? 

In case you don’t know, blue is Black Power and red is the Mongrel Mob. Or, if you’re in America, blue is the Crips and red is the Bloods. 

The reason I ask this is that the Police are apparently planning some sort of crackdown on gangs – and one of the things they’re going to be targeting is intimidating behaviour. 

And I reckon if it’s going to have any hope in hell of working, they’re going to have to start at the very top and crackdown on the Chief Intimidator himself, the Honourable Trevor Mallard, Speaker of the House. 

Because, as we’ve been hearing in the news, he’s been doing some weird things lately.  

Irrigating the lawns – even though it’s raining – and even though he’s got guests camping outside. 

Playing music loudly at night. All night. Not inside – but outside. 

Real intimidating stuff. 

But now, he’s gone above and beyond and he’s picking on a poor-old 77-year-old retired man who is facing the prospect of not being allowed to go to the place he loves for the next two years. 

A place this 77-year-old retired man has been going to since 1979. 43 years. And now, he’s been told he’s been trespassed for two years and to stay away. 

You imagine being that 77-year-old retired man. You’ve paid your taxes. You’ve always had a smile on your dial – even when you’ve fallen out with your mates or been given the boot by your boss. 

You’ve always made sure that you’re dressed up to the nines and you certainly haven’t let yourself go. The way you’ve looked after your hair is a real credit and has been an inspiration for silver foxes up and down the country. 

You imagine being that 77-year-old retired man who, when you discovered you were getting more of the pension than you were entitled to, you paid it all back. It was nearly $20,000 – but you paid it back. All of it. 

You’ve always been the life and soul of the party. Sometimes you’ve kept us waiting – but you’ve always eventually turned up. 

And like every New Zealander worth their salt, you’ve stood up for this place. You’ve put this country first. New Zealand First – that’s what you’ve always said. New Zealand first. 

And even though you’re 77, and probably entitled to take things a bit easier, sitting in front of the TV all day is not for you. 

“Make sure you stay curious and try to learn new things”. That’s what the ageing experts say you should be doing – even when you get to 77. And that’s exactly what you’ve done. But the old bully boy’s telling you off for it. 

You saw something was going on at the place you’ve been going to day-in, day-out for the past 43 years – the place you love. And so, you put your suit on, put a comb and some Brylcreem through your hair, and went down there and had a chat with a few people. You were curious and active – a poster boy for old age. 

But now, at the age of 77, you’re being told off like a naughty schoolboy.  

And who’s the bully boy who’s told you off? It’s old Trevor again – waving the big stick yet again. Old Trevor – irrigation enthusiast and Barry Manilow fan. 

And he’s told you, Winston Raymond Peters, that you are banned from going to Parliament for two years. And do you know what? I think old Trevor has well-and-truly lost it this time. 

And he’s not just picking on you Winston Raymond Peters. He’s told another ex-MP – Matt King – that he’s trespassed from Parliament for two years. 

Former ACT MP Stephen Franks is another one too. 

All were banned for two years because they had the gall to turn up to the anti-mandate protest at Parliament. 

I said it at the time when he used the sprinklers on the protesters, that Trevor Mallard was a national embarrassment. 

But this latest behaviour takes it to the next level, doesn’t it?  

And if Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern doesn’t sack Trevor Mallard from the Speaker role ASAP, then I think she will run an even greater risk of becoming a 43-year-old retired politician in a year or so’s time. 

As far as I’m concerned, Trevor Mallard’s goose is cooked and he has to go.