With the school holidays kicking off today, a parenting expert has given her advice on the most effective ways to make the next couple of weeks more manageable for both you and your children.

Jenny Hale from Parenting Place says children feel the uncertainty and the lack of pattern that accompanies the holiday period.

While it can be wonderful, the lack of structure and routine can be difficult for kids and wobble them, she says.

“One of the opportunities we have in the holidays is to write a list of things you’d like to do, or dreams. Children love to know there is some plan or there is some possibility that they’ll do something lovely with their whanau.”

While some kids can have lofty expectations, at the heart of it they just want connection with the people they love, says Hale.

“Sometimes they’ll feel a little bit disappointed that we’re not spending a lot of money, but they actually want time with us.

“You’re asking them to think of things that cost and think of things that don’t cost, [because] children are learning to be resourceful and adapt. If you can’t buy a meal out, maybe you can do hamburgers at home?

“There are always ways around it, and it’s actually great for kids to get resourceful and think of other ways of doing things. We don’t always have to feel like we have to spend a lot of money on our kids.”

Hale says two great questions that can be used to guide how you spend your holidays is to ask your children what they like about your family, and what they would like to do more of.

But she says it’s important that parents don’t feel pressured to have something for their kids to do every moment of the day, as parenting’s exhausting enough as it is – and you don’t always have the bandwidth to play with your kids 24/7.

Hale suggests breaking the day into three parts – one part where the child will do something with their parents, another part where they have to master their own boredom, and then a third where parents can team up with other parents to share the load.

“For part of the day, the parents will be with them and they’re doing something structured like going to the museum or out for a bike ride.

“And then there’s a part of the day where children will entertain themselves - that good old-fashioned ‘go outside and play’. We haven’t done enough of this with our kids, we’ve felt like we have to be entertainers – and it’s exhausting.

“We have to remind ourselves kids do well even when they have to master a bit of boredom and master the fact that their devices aren’t available – they get outside and build something or make a hut in the lounge.

“Yes it’s messy, but there’s some beautiful imagination and play going on.”

Hale says the third part – banding together with neighbours or extended family to share the parenting load – is particularly important.

“We need each other in this parenting realm because it is a big, big task – [and] I think we’re all longing for a bit more connection and a bit more community.”