A grandmother killed at a Kāpiti rest home was visiting a friend, family say.

Relatives of Edith Roderique are struggling to come to terms with the fact she won't be coming home again.

A close family member, who didn't want to be named, said there was a strong family network gathered at the home of the Otaki Beach woman, including her daughter and grandchildren.

They were struggling with the fact that there was no chance to say goodbye and were declining media interviews while gathering together to process what had happened.

All they knew was their much-loved 70-year-old mother and grandmother was visiting an acquaintance at the Metlifecare Coastal Villas Retirement Village in Raumati Village.

Roderique was kind-hearted and would "give someone the shirt of her back", the family member said.

Roderique was an accomplished dancer and well-known in dance circles on the Kāpiti Coast.

They heard through news reports of a death at the village, but it wasn't until family saw police walking through the front gate that their worst fears were realised.

They hadn't even been able to discuss funeral arrangement as the news of her death was still too raw.

"It's going to take time. We just want to be left alone to grieve," he said.

They weren't aware of any further details surrounding the murder, only that the accused had been charged and was given name suppression.

Police handling the case had done a great job and the support they had received from victim support representatives was appreciated, he said.

It was understood that the accused man, who has name suppression, had mental health issues.

Police have arrested and charged a 75-year-old man with murder. He appeared in court this morning but entered no plea.