• Kiwi musician accused of abuse told his ex to go “f***” herself in a recording played to court.
• He faces 11 charges related to alleged incidents between late 2022 and late 2023, and has pleaded not guilty to all.
• The defence argues the musician acted in self-defence.

A Kiwi musician accused of abusing his ex-partner told her to go “f***” herself in a recording played in court today.

The man, who is in his 50s and has interim name suppression, is facing 11 charges relating to alleged physical abuse between late 2022 to late 2023.

His Auckland District Court trial began last week and he pleaded not guilty to all charges.

The defence argues the woman, more than 20 years his junior, initiated and spurred on the physical aggression and he only used force against her in self-defence.

In a recording played in court today, the defendant told the complainant to go “f*** yourself”.

He said in the audio that she still hadn’t deleted her Instagram account like she said she would and whenever they tried to talk she would have a meltdown.

Social media was an ongoing issue for the couple, with the complainant alleging she had to delete her Instagram to prove to him she wasn’t a “ho”.

She also claimed he strangled her on a trip to Bali when he was upset after she posted a bikini photo on Instagram.

The defence alleges she too didn’t want him following women on social media.

In the recording, the man said he’d given the complainant a chance to show him things would be different but they lasted “four days”.

“I gave you a f***ing chance, you haven’t changed, you never will change.“

The woman said he would be “so nice” to her if she deleted Instagram or removed her male friends from it, but he would punish her for seeing her friends or having social media.

The cross-examination of the complainant wrapped up earlier today.

Defence lawyer Susan Gray put to the complainant that her claim he assaulted her in a vehicle did not occur.

“He did strangle me, he did threaten to kill me,” the woman responded.

When asked why she didn’t take notes about the incident, the woman questioned whether Gray took notes about everything that happened in her life.

The complainant said the man had shown up at her address that evening uninvited after she blocked him online.

When he allegedly refused to leave, she said they went and spoke in the car.

Gray put to her that she had yelled at him, and in response the woman said “he would abuse me, and I would yell back”.

“I’m not proud of that, I would yell at him.”

Gray said on another occasion the woman had flown into a rage over the man refusing to unfollow a female friend on social media.

“This is absolutely incorrect,” the complainant said.

Gray alleged the woman had hit him during that incident.

She denied the allegation, saying it was “complete cap [lie]”.

The complainant said he would abuse her but she would always be the one who apologised.

One of the assault charges specifies a drink bottle was used as a weapon and another charge cites him allegedly biting her.

The musician has also been charged with impeding her normal breathing by applying pressure to her throat. Threatening to kill and threatening to do grievous bodily harm charges were also laid.

Three of the charges were for crimes that allegedly occurred on Boxing Day 2023.

The assault charges where a weapon is not specified carry a maximum of two years' imprisonment, the two that include allegations of a weapon hold a maximum of five years in prison.

The charges for threatening to kill, threatening to do grievous bodily harm and impeding normal breathing each carry a maximum of five years' imprisonment.

FAMILY VIOLENCE

How to get help: If you’re in danger now: • Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you. Don’t stop to get anything else.
• If you are being abused, remember it’s not your fault. Violence is never okay.
Where to go for help or more information or to find out about donating to other organisations::
• Women’s Refuge: Crisis line - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24/7)
• Shine: Helpline - 0508 744 633 (available 24/7)
• It’s Not Ok: Family violence information line - 0800 456 450
• Shakti: Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children.
• Crisis line - 0800 742 584 (available 24/7)
• Ministry of Justice: For information on family violence
• Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga: National Network of Family Violence Services
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men’s violence towards women.

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Katie Harris is an Auckland-based journalist who covers social issues including sexual assault, workplace misconduct, media, crime and justice. She joined the Herald in 2020.