Eighteen days after he disappeared on Mount Holdsworth, the mother of missing man Mikey Namana (MacGregor) says she feels like she has no tears left “but they keep coming”.

Mikey went missing on a walk in the Mount Holdsworth area on July 31. Shortly after, the weather conditions in the area deteriorated into snow, sleet and strong winds which made the search for him “hellish”, according to his mother, Paula Namana.

“The weather’s not been in on our side, it’s been absolutely bloody miserable up there. Hellish. The first three nights were hell because it was snowing and then it was just windy, raining – every kind of bad weather.”

Namana has been staying in the hut on Mount Holdsworth every day since Mikey disappeared, next to the fire that has never gone out, waiting for her missing son to come home.

Mikey Namana, also known as Michael MacGregor. Photo / Supplied

“Those first days out there have turned into weeks now, and I still feel like it’s day two or three. They just roll together, and they go so fast.

“But the night-times, laying in the beds up there, I’m awake all night, they go on forever and ever and ever.”

For the past two and a half weeks, the hut has been kept warm by the fire – and the rotating cast of family, friends and community members who are setting out in search parties for Mikey.

“My oldest son has got four children but he’s up the hills every day and it’s hard because you’re every day saying to him please be safe, please come home’.

“It’s like God, don’t lose any more.”

Police called off the search for Mikey on August 9, telling his mother they were now focused on recovery.

Today, she has finally come back to regroup – not to her home, which she shared with Mikey and her husband Eddie, but to her mother’s house, which Mikey used to visit every day.

“I lost my dad in March,” she told the Herald.

“And Mikey took it upon himself every morning to go to Mum’s to light her fire before he went to work, and would check in on her every night to fill her wood box. He absolutely loved his family.”

Namana told the Herald she wanted everyone to know how wonderful her boy was. He was the second-oldest of Namana’s children, with one older brother and two younger sisters – one of whom is pregnant with her first child, and whom Mikey doted on, as he did the rest of his family.

“He was just such a family man. He would just say ’oh, I’m going to go and vibe-check her’. He always cared for everyone more than himself. He had the kindest heart, he would give you anything, or he would be the first to help anyone too – he’d be the one solving the problems, or helping people out.”

He had a special bond with his goddaughter, and wanted children of his own one day – and for him, family was of the utmost importance.

He had a wicked sense of humour, and “thought he was a master chef in the kitchen” Namana said through laughter.

He loved to watch his sisters play netball and hockey, and played darts with his uncle.

“The most caring guy, he would take the shirt off his back and give it to you. He was a good soul, he had the kindest heart, good family, he was a great uncle, you know, loved the babies, forever playing with them.”

She was full of praise for all the people who had helped look for her boy through the snow and the sleet, saying the support from the community had been unbelievable.

“Everyone that’s going there is keeping their eye out for my son ... people are amazing. I can’t talk highly enough, I’m overwhelmed.”

She will return to the mountains on Sunday but the strain of the search effort is taking a toll on the search parties.

Mt Holdsworth. Photo / DOC, Jack Mace

“They’re all breaking down. one by one. My first cousin has been up there most days, and he came out and just looked at me so deflated and just burst into tears.”

“You just want to come out and say you’ve got him.”

Namana says she will go to the Rocky Lookout where her son was last seen one day – but not yet.

She hopes the police will bring back her son and give her closure next week, when they send out dogs to look in the thawing snow.

“Once the dogs have gone in, I have to get back to reality. I need it for my sanity, and I know Michael will not want me sitting crying all day. That’s the last thing he would want.”

“I just keep thinking of him, and for him. I just so, so wish for closure.”

Vita Molyneux is a Wellington-based journalist who covers breaking news and stories from the capital. She has been a journalist since 2018 and joined the Herald in 2021.