Jodie Nicoll was three when her sexual abuser - stepfather Bernard Stothers - touched her for the first time. She was eight when he started raping her repeatedly. The offending went on for nearly three decades and she became pregnant after one of the rapes. Now, she has taken the extraordinary step of asking the High Court to lift her automatic name suppression so she can speak publicly for the first time. Kelly Makiha reports.

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WARNING: This story details child sex abuse and may be distressing.

Jodie Nicoll has lived a lifetime of secrecy.

Today, that ends.

She is not going to keep her stepfather’s dirty secret anymore.

Bernard Raymond Stothers sexually abused Jodie from when she was three years old. When she was eight, he started raping her repeatedly.

Bernard Stothers will remain in jail for at least 10 years.

Stothers is in prison for at least 10 years for committing sexual offending against his step-daughter for 28 years - actions that stole Jodie’s childhood and innocence.

Fully reporting such heinous crimes is uncommon because of heavy restrictions that protect the identities of the victims, who have automatic name suppression by law. If offenders are family members - which is often the case - they often can’t be publicly identified either to protect the victims.

In Jodie’s eyes, that allows the secrecy to continue. She did nothing wrong and she no longer wants to hide.

She is telling her story after the High Court granted her application to have her statutory name suppression lifted.

She hopes her story encourages other sexual abuse victims to come forward so, no matter what the outcome, they can finally be free.

Jodie Nicoll has had her statutory name suppression lifted so she can tell her story. Photo / Paul Taylor

Someone once said to Jodie about the trauma she experienced: “But, it made you stronger.”

In her eyes, she didn’t need to be made stronger.

“I needed to be a child, I needed to be safe, I needed my innocence.”

Jodie told the Rotorua Daily Post Weekend her family lived a transient lifestyle all over the North Island, but mainly in the Bay of Plenty and South Waikato - including Tokoroa, Putāruru, Rotorua, Ngongotahā, Te Puke and Maketū.

Stothers started sexually abusing Jodie in 1989 when she was three. The rapes started at age eight and didn’t end until she was 31. She fell pregnant from one of the rapes.

In 2018, she found the courage to make it stop. Four years later on December 15 last year, Stothers, then aged 55, was jailed.

Sentencing notes obtained by the Rotorua Daily Post Weekend show Justice Graham Lang agreed with Crown prosecutor Anna McConachy that Stothers’ offending was so serious, the court must impose a term of preventive detention with a minimum of 10 years. That means he will be in jail for at least 10 years before he’s eligible to apply for parole. If he never satisfies the Parole Board he deserves to get out, he might not ever leave prison.

Stothers initially denied he did anything wrong. But just before his trial, he pleaded guilty to a representative charge of committing an indecent act on a child under 12, two counts of sexual violation by unlawful sexual connection involving digital and oral penetration, and two representative counts of sexual violation by rape, the notes said.

A representative charge means it happened more than once. The maximum sentence for the first charge is 10 years’ jail and the maximum for the latter two charges is 20 years’ jail each.

Jodie told the Rotorua Daily Post Weekend while victims’ rights always came first, she had kept her secret for 28 years and she felt now it was her time to speak.

“The biggest reason I’m doing it is for awareness and in the hopes that even just one person will get the help they need because of it.”

What Stothers did to Jodie

A police summary of facts supplied to the Rotorua Daily Post Weekend said Jodie’s earliest memory of being sexually abused was when she was three and Stothers was 23.

He was off work with a broken leg and the two were home alone while Jodie’s mother went out to get groceries.

He asked her if she wanted to watch television and when she said yes, he got her to sit on his lap.

He then touched her and made her touch him.

Jodie Nicoll as a young girl.

Such incidents happened more regularly from then. The summary details Jodie’s memories of such abuse happening while the family were watching movies, while in the car and, on occasions, he would do it secretly when other people were present in the room.

She had recollections of him lifting her out of her bed while asleep and being carried into the lounge where she would be sexually abused, often while not fully awake.

From the age of seven, the abuse progressed to what the law describes as “digital penetration”. The summary of facts said it would happen several times a week.

The first time he raped her was in the backseat of a car when she was eight, with Stothers telling Jodie’s mother they were out doing grocery shopping.

The summary of facts said from then on the rapes sometimes occurred daily, or weekly if he didn’t get an opportunity.

He would always use the excuse of going shopping and the rapes would happen in the car, or he would wait until Jodie’s mother was out and she was left in his care.

Jodie told the Rotorua Daily Post Weekend the family moved away from Stothers to Dannevirke and the rapes stopped for a couple of years before Jodie became a teenager. But they eventually returned to the South Waikato.

The summary said from about the age of 13, Stothers would often visit Jodie’s family. The rapes and other forms of sexual abuse started again.

When Jodie was 15, she left home. For six years, she was free from him.

Stothers contacted Jodie when she was 21 - at the time, she was living and working in Rotorua. He convinced her to meet him at a local motel, where he raped her several times. She was unwilling to have sex with him, but he forced her by manipulating her, the summary of facts said.

When Jodie was 22, she was living in Hamilton and called her mother to get a ride back to Tokoroa. But her mother sent Stothers to get her instead. On the ride home, he stopped at Karāpiro and raped her in the car.

The summary said she moved back to Tokoroa but was living in a separate bach from the rest of the family. Stothers would often go into her room at night and rape her. He manipulated her by taking photos and videos of her while he raped her and threatened to post them on the internet. She became pregnant from one of the rapes.

Later in 2017, Jodie was living in Hamilton when Stothers visited. He raped her again for nearly two hours. The summary said she found it painful and she cried throughout.

How did Jodie’s nightmare end?

Jodie told the Rotorua Daily Post Weekend in an interview she went on a double date with her friend and two men in 2018 and had an “amazing night”. Jodie said she felt happy and hoped to see her date again.

Her friend was connected to Jodie’s family and she had innocently mentioned their great night in Stothers’ presence.

Jodie said Stothers went to her house and again threatened to post his photos and videos of her on the internet.

“When Bernard showed up at my house I was terrified, I was afraid for my safety. I was scared people would hear him yelling and what he was saying.”

Now a mother, Jodie feared her son would hear Stothers yelling.

“By some grace of God, he left and I was petrified. I was shaking, crying, every thought possible was running through my head, and I texted my friend and said to her, ‘I think I need to tell you something’.”

Jodie Nicoll hopes to help other women who have been victims of sexual abuse to speak out. Photo / Paul Taylor

Jodie said she couldn’t remember the ride to her friend’s house.

“But I remember the relief that came over me as soon as I had said it out loud. I knew then that there was no going back, and while it was probably the scariest moment of my life, it was also one filled with hope ... hope that it was all over.”

Her friend drove her to the police station and she made a statement. Stothers was charged.

She said waiting for his court case was exacerbated by delays and hold-ups as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic.

“For the two years prior to the trial, following his arrest, I had been more mentally unstable than ever. I could go days without any self-care - I would have to rely on support around me to help with housework and simple tasks. The only tasks I could muster up [the energy for] were that of mother duties.

“Somehow in the lead-up to the trial, I had pulled myself out of the hole I was in and I prepared myself to go to trial.”

But just weeks before it started, Stothers pleaded guilty. While you’d think Jodie would be happy, she said she felt anger, rage and hate.

“It was not out of remorse or even out of responsibility, it was because he knew he would lose and he knew [by] pleading guilty he would get time off his sentence. And in pleading guilty, I felt I had the control I had just gained ripped from under my feet.”

As the sentencing day approached, she found the peace to accept whatever sentence Justice Graham Lang was to decide.

“I had done what I needed to do and I had no control in the sentence he got, so I tried to tell myself whatever will be will be.”

Facing her offender

When Stothers was sentenced, Jodie was present in court.

She said she read from her victim impact statement and told him he didn’t deserve the credit for her strength, kindness, empathy, intelligence and determination.

“I am those things despite all you put me through, all of the trauma you inflicted on me. I deserve the recognition for how untouched my character is,” she said in her victim impact statement.

He, however, could take the credit for other things.

These included her post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxious personality disorder, recurrent depressive disorder, dissociative disorder and the long list of medications she must take to treat her anxiety and sleep issues.

“Because of all of this, I have felt for years like I was living a sentence that you handed me and you were living life, with my family,” she told Stothers.

The Rotorua courthouse. Photo / Andrew Warner

She said in her statement there was a charge missing from the range of charges he was being sentenced to – and that was one of theft.

“You are the worst imaginable thief possible. You stole my entire life to date, my childhood, my chance at a normal childhood, my innocence, the possibility of a career.”

She said Stothers also stole the relationship she could have had with her mother and siblings.

“But as of today, I forbid you to steal anything else from me ... I am letting go and finally taking control of me and where my life can go to moving forward.”

In her statement, she said Stothers needed to take the opportunity in prison to get help.

“I also don’t believe you can be remorseful for over 20 years of abuse, that is a calculated level of evil, not a simple mistake. But even so, I don’t need your remorse. I’m responsible for my healing journey, but I do hope you take responsibility for yours and will use all the help available to you to become a different version of yourself.”

She told him cells in a person’s body were replaced every seven years, so she took solace in knowing one day she would have a body Stothers had never touched.

“I forgive you, Bernard, not because you deserve it or that you will appreciate it, but simply because I deserve freedom and peace.”

Who Bernard Stothers is and what the judge said

Court documents released to the Rotorua Daily Post Weekend showed a cultural report carried out on Stothers before his sentencing said he had an “extremely challenging childhood”.

His mother was a heavy gambler and his father had issues with alcohol abuse. When he was drunk, he would inflict violence on Stothers, and his mother would do the same, sentencing notes said.

These issues led to Stothers and his two younger brothers being placed in a state-run institution when he was just nine for four years. During that time, he was subjected to regular violence at the hands of both supervisors and other residents.

He was also sexually abused by another boy at the institution, the report presented to the court for sentencing said.

Bernard Raymond Stothers in earlier years.

Sentencing notes showed Justice Lang said at sentencing he had no doubt those experiences played a considerable role in Stothers’ psychological make-up in later years.

Lang said at sentencing Stothers made no progress academically at school and was eventually expelled at 14 for being absent.

After leaving school, he drove trucks, worked as a bush contractor and was employed as a farm worker.

Reports from a psychiatrist and psychologist were also presented to the judge that concluded Stothers minimised his offending against Jodie and had a high likelihood of re-offending, particularly against young girls, when released from prison.

Justice Lang said at sentencing Stothers groomed Jodie when she was a child and threatened and intimidated her when she was an adult.

“This involved a gross breach of trust towards a defenceless and vulnerable victim. The fact that sexual abuse occurred on a regular basis for such a lengthy period is a further aggravating factor,” Justice Lang said at sentencing.

In handing down the sentence of preventive detention, Justice Lang said if he were to impose a finite sentence, it would be one of 16 years and 10 months. But this meant Stothers would be eligible for parole after just five and a half years.

“I do not consider this would adequately recognise the sentencing principles of denunciation, deterrence and the need to hold you responsible for your offending. Nor would it adequately protect the community from further offending by you.”

Justice Lang told Stothers at sentencing that the only way to rehabilitate was to know he would not be released from prison until he had engaged in programmes in prison to address his behaviour.

This was now an “incentive” and the only way he can get freedom.

Why Jodie is telling her story

Jodie took back power by telling her story to the Rotorua Daily Post Weekend in the hope it would help even just one woman.

“It’s never too late to take control back, to get the help you need,” she said.

She said suppression, while relevant in most cases, made her abuse feel shameful.

“I am not now, nor will I ever be, shameful for being abused, and New Zealand needs to talk about it more and drop the stigma if it ever has a hope in beating the epidemic abuse holds. I am proud to tell my story, it reminds me how strong and resilient I am and it also shows and tells people that I am who I am for a reason.”

Jodie has been living in Napier for the last three years. She is now married and has a son.

“It is a place that holds no bad memories and has become home.”

She enjoys walks along the seaside.

Jodie Nicoll's life is now a happy one in Napier. Photo / Paul Taylor

“It is where I go most days to do some self-reflection and to just connect with myself and ground myself.”

She has been working with her therapist to gain the confidence to enter the workforce.

“I have shifted from the mindset of a victim to a survivor, and my acute mental health is better than ever before. My long-term mental health needs a lot of work, but I am committed to being as free from that life as I possibly can be.”

She’s attended a few job interviews and has faith the right person will take a chance on her.

Her future ambition is to support and advocate for women who are in a similar position to what she was in.

“I have a burning desire to help others in any way I can. I am focusing on me and my son and my incredibly supportive husband.”

Seeking help

Before Jodie decided to go public, she sought advice from Rotorua sexual abuse survivor and advocate Louise Nicholas.

Louise Nicholas offered Jodie Nicoll some advice before she went public.

Nicholas said she completely understood Jodie’s reasons for going public.

“We don’t need to hide because we have done nothing wrong ... If you can help just one person, it is worth it.”

Nicholas said it was an honour and privilege to work alongside sexual abuse survivors and no matter what the outcomes, there was also a sense of relief for those going through the process.

She said stranger rape was rare and most of the work she did in the Bay of Plenty involved family members preying on family members.

“It’s an epidemic out there. From October 2021 to October ‘22 alone, we supported 31 children and young people in the Bay of Plenty alone through sexual abuse cases.”

She said every case was different, but adults should look for signs of apprehension in children.

“We are always pushing our kids to give uncle or koro a kiss and hug, but if they don’t want to, don’t push. Listen to your children, the signs will be there.”

She said her work helped victims realise they would be supported.

“I’m working with a young girl at the moment, and once I told her all she had to do was tell the truth, she felt better. Regardless of the outcome, it is worth it.”

She said getting not guilty verdicts did not mean they were lying or the jury didn’t believe them.

“We always talk about standard of proof, and sometimes there just isn’t enough evidence to say someone is guilty beyond reasonable doubt. I tell them, ‘If no one believed you, you wouldn’t be here’.”

Nicholas said she was pleased to offer Jodie advice.

“I’m so proud of her. The fact she said ‘no more, I’m going to the police’ takes a lot of courage. If her story can help one person, it is worth it. We have to stop this, and the only way to stop it is to talk about it.”

What the police say

If abuse is happening now or if it happened decades ago, police want to know.

Bay of Plenty police have trained and experienced child protection teams working out of six Oranga Tamariki offices throughout the region. For adults, there are four police sexual abuse squads working from police stations in Rotorua, Tauranga, Eastern Bay and Taupō.

Detective Senior Sergeant John Wilson, who leads the squads, said police were committed to investigating allegations of sexual assault from adults and children, whether they involve recent or historic offending.

Detective Senior Sergeant John Wilson, who oversees staff working in the sexual abuse squads. Photo / Andrew Warner

“We have considerable resource in the Bay that is dedicated to investigating this sort of offending.”

Wilson said it was widely accepted sexual offending was under-reported.

“We don’t know what we don’t know. All we can do is investigate what gets presented to us in the hope we can make a difference across the board.”

He said it was heartening historic offenders were being put before the courts with good outcomes.

“We are aware of the courage it takes to come forward and report these things, especially when it’s someone in a family relationship, which makes things even harder. I want to reassure the public who are thinking about making a complaint we have dedicated staff who are trained in these matters and you will be treated with sensitivity and respect, and we will walk you through the whole process from end to end.”

He said police appealed to anyone aware of suspicious behaviour that was occurring in a family or behaviour they had noticed in a child that wasn’t quite right.

“If you see something, you need to do something. You need to speak up and speak for those who aren’t in a position to speak for themselves. I’m talking about children here, and other vulnerable victims.”

As Jodie puts her “hell” years behind her, she too encourages anyone suffering from sexual abuse to either pick up the phone or see a friend or family member to take them to the police station.

“It will be the hardest and scariest thing you will do, but I am living proof that not only is it worth it, it is the best thing I have ever done.”

- Kelly Makiha, Open Justice

SEXUAL HARM

Where to get help:
If it's an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
If you've ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone, contact Safe to Talk confidentially, any time 24/7:
• Call 0800 044 334
• Text 4334
• Email [email protected]
• For more info or to web chat visit safetotalk.nz
Alternatively contact police by calling 105 or contact your local police station - click here for a list.
If you have been sexually assaulted, remember it's not your fault.