WARNING: This story contains graphic and sensitive content.

Murder-accused Lauren Dickason googled various methods of overdosing children in the two months before she killed her three little girls, a jury has heard today.

Phone data as well as more messages have been read in the High Court at Christchurch today painting a picture of the troubled woman’s mental and emotional state in the lead-up to the alleged murders.

And letters provided by her doctor about her mental illness and history that were part of the family’s immigration applications have been revealed.

Dickason, 42, is on trial in the High Court at Christchurch charged with murdering her daughters Liané, 6, and 2-year-old twins Maya and Karla.

She admits to smothering the children to death but has pleaded not guilty to the murder charges by reason of insanity or infanticide.

While the Crown acknowledges Dickason suffered from sometimes-serious depression, it maintains she knew what she was doing when she killed the girls.

Last week Crown Prosecutor Andrew McRae alleged Dickason was an angry and frustrated woman who was “resentful of how the children stood in the way of her relationship with her husband” and killed them “methodically and purposefully, perhaps even clinically”.

The defence refutes that and says the woman was “very unwell” and while those close to her were worried - no one recognised how unwell she was “until it was too late”.

“This tragic event happened because Lauren was in such a dark place so removed from reality, so suicidal, so disordered in her thinking that when she decided to kill herself that night, she thought she had to take the girls with her,” Dickason’s lawyer Kerryn Beaton KC told the jury.

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Lauren Anne Dickason appears in court on the first day of her two-week trial for the murder of her three children.

During the first week of the trial, the jury heard extensive evidence about Dickason’s life before the alleged murders, including her gruelling fertility journey and devastating loss of a baby daughter at 18 weeks’ gestation and her family’s move to New Zealand from South Africa in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic.

Jurors heard two days of evidence from Dickason’s husband, who came home from a work function to find his three children dead in their beds.

A video of his police interview was played and then Graham Dickason gave lengthy evidence and faced cross-examination by the defence.

The court also heard from those first to the scene after Graham Dickason found his children dead and from people who met the Dickason family after they arrived in Timaru, including the girls’ teachers.

Liané had been at school for two days and the twins just one when they died.

Police standing in a guard of honour as the bodies of the three dead children were removed from their Timaru home. Photo / George Heard

And hundreds of messages sent to and received by Dickason in the lead-up to the alleged murders were read by police in court.

In many, Dickason speaks about having “rough” days with her children, being depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, emotional, stressed and tired - and often crying for long periods or being on the verge of tears.

The messages span from 2016 to several hours before the children were killed - through the pandemic, lockdowns and growing political unrest and violent crime in South Africa, the family’s emigration process and a number of delays to them moving to New Zealand including having to reschedule flights twice due to the children testing positive for Covid.

She described having three young children as “a hard hard season”, saying there was “no time to just sit and talk” with her husband because “there is always a kid in the middle”.

There were also a number of positive messages sent by Dickason talking about how much she loved her children and how she was happy and “super excited” about their “new adventure” in New Zealand.

“We want to give our three little princesses for whom we have prayed so long and hard, the adventures of a lifetime,” Dickason told a friend.

This morning defence lawyer Anne Toohey questioned whether police had left out context in its selection of messages - including “cute” photos and videos of the little girls.

For example, she said, in one message where Dickson tells a family group chat her kids are “crazy” she also sent a video of the children in a paddling pool.

Police confirmed that not all content was presented.

“There are hundreds of photos and videos of three kids playing and doing fun things - and that is not noted anywhere in the evidence,” Toohey said.

The defence then presented its own messaging evidence attempting to paint what they say is a more accurate picture of a dedicated and loving mother.

Drugs to overdose kids - Crown reveals deleted internet searches on killer mum’s phone

This afternoon the Crown called a digital forensic expert to tell the jury about internet searches carried out on Dickason’s phone.

The jury heard the searches were made and then the history was deleted.

It is alleged in July and August 2021 Dickason looked up “lethal dosage” of a particular drug in children, “drugs to overdose kids”, “most effective overdose in kids” and “carbon monoxide death”.

Further, she looked up fatal doses and levels of various drugs and searched “I hate what lockdown is making me” and “how to deal with anxiety due to covid”.

The court also heard about Dickason’s specific phone activity on the day she killed the girls.

The trial is set for about four weeks before Justice Cameron Mander and a jury.

The Crown will call more than 30 witnesses, including five experts on insanity and or infanticide.

The defence will then open its case and is expected to call a number of witnesses, including its own experts, to give evidence about Dickason’s mental state.

Defence: some police evidence does not portray mum-of-three accurately

Toohey said the defence messages were more relevant and spanned a lesser period from January 2021 to the week the girls died.

In the messages, Dickason speaks about doing activities with her children - getting ears pierced, taking them to the sea, church and a carnival; baking, colouring, reading, doing puzzles, going out for waffles and doing various arts and crafts.

“I know that every mother thinks her donkey is a show pony but we have to admit our kids are damn cute,” she told a friend.

In the defence-selected messages, Dickason spoke proudly of her children - how quickly the twins were potty trained.

“Karla hasn’t got a scared hair on her head,” she told a friend.

And to another, she said:

“Maya is the little mother. Always helpful and peaceful and obedient.

“Karla is the firecracker, she can throw an amazing tantrum but is also lovable and talks a dog out of a bush. She and LIane are best friends.

“This is such a nice age. I wish they can stay this big forever.”

Dickason spoke of her safety fears in South Africa, her terror of being killed in front of her children.

She also spoke about being stressed and emotional at times, increasingly as the move to New Zealand approached.

“Graham came home one day and I said to him ‘Love guess what - I haven’t cried today’. I felt like a champion because I think I cried every day for four months, more than once a day.”

She also discussed various aspects of her mental health with numerous friends.

Messages from July 2021 included:

• “Fertility is nothing but a mind f**k over and over and over,”
• “I feel like no one understands me and all the emotions I am experiencing.”
• “I am just trying to get through each day without losing my head right now.”
• “I am so over this, Graham and I fight about everything and are so highly strung.’

Insight was also given into Dickason’s increasing fears about the unrest in South Africa.

She said her nerves were “shattered” and she feared for herself and her family.

When the power went out one night at her home Dickason” burst into tears and told Graham they are going to storm us and take us out”.

“MY nerves are f**king finished. And now my husband thinks I’m crazy.

“We are now sleeping with the 9mm by next to the bed.

“If Graham looks at me I just cry.”

The court heard that Dickason was “so stressed out” her weight dropped to 55kg and her husband told her she looked “skeletal”.

“I’m so stressed I lost 3kg this week because I cannot eat,” she said.

Towards the end of July Dickason said she was “emotionally and physically exhausted” and felt people had “no comprehension” of the stress she was under.

“I love my kids but I feel like they don’t love me and I am just their slave... just gets me down because they always want Graham,” she said to one woman.

“I am on the verge of losing my mind with all this stuff,” she told another friend.

The family’s house was packed up on August 9 and they moved in with Graham Dickason’s mother awaiting their flight to New Zealand.

While staying there, the day before they were meant to fly, Maya tested positive for Covid. The flights had to be cancelled and rebooked - then again after another f the children caught the virus.

During that time Dickason gave further insight into her state in messages to friends.

She said:

• “This is by far the absolutely most terrifying thing we have ever done.”
• “The devil is literally sitting on my shoulder 24/7.”
• “At the moment there is nothing that is going to make me feel better.”
• “The only way out is through.”

A message sent after the family got to New Zealand was also read to the jury.

“I’m so scared I cannot breathe,” she told a friend.

“Off all medication now” - what Dickason told immigration advisor

Letters provided by Dickason’s doctor for immigration purposes were produced in evidence this afternoon.

Dickason’s doctor provided two letters dated 2020 and 2021 about her psychiatric condition and treatment.

The day before the alleged murders she contacted her doctor back in South Africa seeking a more detailed letter - specifically including details of any history of harm to herself or others - at the request of her immigration advisor.

“I am not currently using any medication,” she told her doctor’s office.

The earlier letters confirmed DIckason “suffers from major depressive disorder” but that her mood was “stabilised well” using two different prescription medications.

“Dr Dickason is able to function well despite her illness and has never needed admission to a psychiatric hospital,” the letter said.

“Dr Dickason has never been a danger to herself or any other person.

“She is able to care for herself financially.

“Dr DIckason will need to continue with her medication and can follow up with her treating doctor on an outpatient basis.”

Dickason also reiterated to the immigration advisor she was “off all medication now”.

The jury heard last week that she had stopped taking her meds months earlier as she had embarked on a weight loss and wellness programme and she was feeling better.

Later that day she received an email from the family’s immigration advisor saying he needed more information about little Karla’s medical history.

The child was born with a cleft lip and underwent successful surgery in South Africa.

Officials here sought a “current paediatric maxillofacial/plastic surgeon specialist assessment” and information on “the likelihood of surgery/hospitalisation being necessary and in the next 3-5 years.

Dickason provided the most recent medical report for Karla, saying the child had not seen her specialist since 2018 and confirming she “doesn’t require any further treatment and definitely not in the next 3-5 years”.