A paedophile teacher jailed indefinitely for sexually abusing 20 boys over 13 years has given a detailed insight into why he preyed upon “the most vulnerable”, saying his “life was a lie” and “it must have been hell for them”.  

James Robertson Parker appeared before the Parole Board for the third time today explaining his “distorted thinking” during his 13 years of offending and how treatment behind bars has turned his life around.  

“I’m mortified. Every day I wake up and the world comes crashing back down - when I wake up and remember what I’ve done,” Parker told the board this morning.  

“My life was a high-risk situation... my life was a lie.”  

In 2013 Parker, then 38, was sentenced to preventive detention after he admitted 74 charges of sexually abusing boys aged between nine and 16.  

The offending happened between 1999 and 2012 - mostly at Pamapuria School where he was deputy principal. 

The charges represented at least 300 incidents of sexual violation and indecent acts and his case was described by the Crown as “without comparison in New Zealand”. 

The harm he caused the young victims was “incalculable”. 

After he was charged it emerged concerns had been raised and accusations of sex abuse made throughout his career. No significant action was taken though, enabling the predator to continue offending. 

He has been refused parole twice since he became eligible. 

Today the board allowed the Herald to attend today’s hearing and report on the outcome. 

Parker at an early court appearance. Photo / TVNZ 

“It’s important for us to understand the offending, what you’ve done about it and where we’re at now,” board panel member Christopher King told Parker. 

“As you reflect now, why did this offending start?” 

Parker said “everything began” when he was a child. 

He was raised in a Christian household and his father had “strong religious beliefs”. 

“I’ve always known I’ve been attracted to the same sex, however, back in those years that wasn’t ok - within our church or family it wasn’t ok,” he said. 

“So, I learned to hate that part of myself and actually hate myself. I wished I could change. I developed core beliefs about being unworthy, not good enough - a mistake. 

“I never felt like I fit in, I felt excluded. I used to try and seek approval from everyone else. I used to try to be ‘Mr Nice Guy’ all the time.” 

38 year old school teacher James Parker appears for sentencing at Whangarei Court. Photo / NZH 

Parker learned early on that he connected well with children and “felt that sense of love and belonging” he had always been searching for. 

“Although it was fake, all distorted thinking... that’s where I felt comfortable,” he said. 

“The affection they showed to me, I turned into something sexual.” 

“I kept offending for years... that’s all I thought about.” 

Parker said he did not become a teacher specifically to get access to young boys. 

“I loved teaching and I loved being around children and doing my best for them. It was an innocent choice to become a teacher..., but then that created this opportunity for me and I preyed upon vulnerable children - the most vulnerable,” he said. 

“My life was a lie. I was living a lie and it was extremely stressful - not only my offending but also my sexuality. 

“I burned the candle at both ends trying to please everybody - trying to make up for the bad I was doing. 

“I compartmentalised it. I refused to think about it… because if I didn’t, I could look for justifications for what I was doing.” 

King asked Parker why he didn’t stop the offending when concerns were raised with him. 

“The reason I was able to offend against so many boys was that I convinced myself I wasn’t hurting them. They keep coming back - they kept coming back for years, I couldn’t see any difference (in them),” he said. 

“I chose not to listen to those people. But treatment has taught me… it’s changed my life. It showed me how I came to be how I was and taught me to be how I am now. 

“It has changed how I see the world and how I see myself - and how I see the things that I have done and the people that I hurt.” 

Parker became emotional when he explained to the board that he “genuinely loved” his community and still does. 

“But I’ve hurt them so much,” he acknowledged. 

“I just broke their trust and it’s very hard to live with that. I can’t make this right but I have given this treatment everything I’ve got... I’ve done everything I can. 

James Parker was sentenced in 2013 at the High Court at Whangarei. 

Parker said it was “awful to think about” the harm he caused the victims. 

He also spoke about the impact his offending had on the wider community, particularly Pamapuria School pupils he had not offended against. 

“There was so much publicity, they couldn’t even to school. People were all looking. It must have been absolute hell for them. It’s absolutely awful to think about.” 

Parker told the board he was now “absolutely committed” to his safety plan. 

“I am absolutely committed to not hurting people,” he said. 

“I’m not fixed but I know now that I can manage. I know the warning signs, I know my high-risk situations. I’m absolutely determined.” 

“I’m anxious about going into the community - that’s due to my high profile,” he said. 

“I will be a dedicated worker if they take me on,” he said. 

“I realise my life is going to be totally different from how it was before… but I do want to be a contributing member of the community, to have a job and work and do things that I love - within the boundaries of my new life. 

He explained to the board his family had been “wonderful” and he had their full support. 

“I came out to them during my treatment programme,” he revealed. 

“I came out to everybody... I don’t feel lonely anymore because I’m actually being who I’m supposed to be and that’s really special. 

“I should have told them years ago - things would have been so different.” 

After the board took a brief adjournment to consider parole, King delivered the decision to Parker. 

He said parole was declined - but the board would see Parker again in March. 

He hoped during that time Parker could participate in the release-to-work programme and get more experience in the community. 

“It is also a period of testing in a new context for some of these very important lessons that you’ve learned.” 

Anna Leask is a Christchurch-based reporter who covers national crime and justice. She joined the Herald in 2008 and has worked as a journalist for 18 years with a particular focus on family and gender-based violence, child abuse, sexual violence, homicides, mental health and youth crime. She writes, hosts and produces the award-winning podcast A Moment In Crime, released monthly on nzherald.co.nz 

SEXUAL HARM 

Where to get help: 

If it's an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111. If you've ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone, contact Safe to Talk confidentially, any time 24/7: 
• Call 0800 044 334 
• Text 4334 
• Email [email protected] 
• For more info or to web chat visit safetotalk.nz 
Alternatively contact your local police station - click here for a list. 
If you have been sexually assaulted, remember it's not your fault.