It's a lesson you would think was already learned by now. If someone says "no", that's the end of the conversation. Whether they're a stripper or a lawyer, it doesn't matter.

If they say "don't touch me", for goodness sake, don't touch them.

The fact that a group of rugby players hired a stripper neither surprises me, nor upsets me. It's perfectly legal, not my cup of tea, but I have no problem with those who find it a good bit of entertainment.

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What's far more upsetting is the woman's allegations that she was then touched, even licked, after telling the players not to.

Then came the subtle accusation from the Chiefs franchise boss Andrew Flexman that the woman shouldn't be believed because she didn't have the best 'community standing', presumably because she was a stripper.

Another defence came from sponsor Gallagher Group, with executive Margaret Comer saying a naked woman amongst a group of men should expect to be touched.

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This is unacceptable and infuriating. A woman does not need to wear a burqa to have her wishes respected. Men are not animals who can't restrain themselves. If I put a piece of meat in front of my dog when he's hungry, he doesn't touch it. Because I told him not to.

You can't seriously tell me you have lower expectations of human men.

To stop such upsetting incidents, we need to change the culture that excuses them. That starts from the top. It would be a delight to see Prime Minister John Key coming out strongly, saying you can't touch people against their wishes.

His pull is strong among those who might claim this is 'boys will be boys', or 'harmless blokey fun'. It would cost nothing, but just that public statement could achieve so much.

Even better would be a stronger emphasis on consent as part of sex education in this country. That sex, or sexual contact, should only happen between two people who are enthusiastic about it. That a woman's job and what she's wearing doesn't change how you should treat her.

If respecting a woman's right to say "no" isn't a strong enough argument for you, think about it this way: How low is your opinion of men that you think a bit of extra skin makes them lose all control?